Monday, July 14, 2014

Earthbound Part 27: Heroes Through Time

We're ready.
Saves and free heals! I like the way you think.
Yep I did that already.
I'm ready. I've been ready.
Let me in the damn thing.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Wheeeee
Hey this cave looks kinda familiar.
Gah!
Don't you start asking if I'm ready.
That guy is my favorite.
WHO HURT YOU MR SATURN!?
It's alright Mr Saturn.  I will make the bad guy pay!
OK that's gonna be a bit tricky.
Well shit.
Buh?
But you just....and I just....
How can you tell?
How....how can you tell?
Umm what?
Hi I would like to advance the plot please thank you.
Golly gee I never would've guessed. HOW FIX?
Should I call the Doctor so we can steal his shit?
I am ok with this.
Like super ok.
DAMMIT DOC I AM ASKING FOR THIS.
MAKE ME AN ANDROID BEEP BOOP
We get to hear all sorts of machinery sounds.
Little late to get emotional.
No I want to sit here forever. LET ME CONTINUE GAME.
WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY
Alright we aren't exactly androids.
But we're still pretty cool.
These guys are the least of our worries here.
Offense went up by 1! Defense went up by 1! Speed went up by 1! Guts went up by 1! Luck went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 3!
These guys are a pain. One explodes. The other can Starstorm Alpha. Always take the ghost out first.
Offense went up by 1! Oh, baby! Defense went up by 3! Speed went up by 1! IQ went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 3! Maximum PP went up by 3!
Sometimes you can luck out with the erratic movements.
Maximum HP went up by 3!
This is the only present in the whole dungeon.
Look guys, Giygas wants us to beat the everloving shit out of him.
Ball?
Warp ball!
Final Starmen are jerks. If you can get him by himself by all means beat him up. But, if he's with other things, especially Ghosts of Starmen, there is no shame in running.
MOOSE's healing is handy but save it.
For when you find Bubberfly!

This was the last unique enemy I encountered. He is not so bad. Also I think he has a 1/128 drop, but I didn't get that. I only encountered this one actually.
A door.
Metal brain stuff?
What
the actual
fuck.
FUCK YOU POKEY. GET OUT OF THAT THING SO I CAN BEAT YOU WITH MY ROBO-FISTS.
Not in the least.
You're in a bubble spider.
So you want to doom all of Earth because you're a twatwaffle?
That's all well and good, but what is your end game? Seriously Giygas could just turn around and murder you.
It is very difficult to understand the depth of your dochebaggery (until the sequel).
Was that supposed to be scary? Because it sounded kinda cheesy.
Alright now that is a bit frightening. What good is power if you're out of control?
LET'S PUNCH A POKEY.
But first have INKY set up one of these.
Because ow.
This can apparently sometimes work on Pokey.
I had no such luck.
Giygas is immune to everything so just beat the crap out of Pokey. Remember he kidnapped Mr Saturn. He has this coming.
If you do accidentally attack Giygas...
PAIN. ALL THE PAIN.
Oh this is Pokey's thing. He likes lowering everyone's offense because he is a major jerk. Also TESLA should be proud of that 3 HP he gained back in the dungeon.
EREN landed the last blow on Pokey. WIR SIND DIE J√ĄGER.
Well we couldn't do it in the future...present...time place
No, I'd rather he just stopping being a non-blinking MOOSE head. It's kinda weird.
I lived through Lone Survivor.
Amuse me.
You know this is kinda creepy. If I had played this in the nineties I probably would be freaked out.
He was before?
That was pretty funny actually.
Please eat Pokey please eat Pokey please eat Pokey.
He did not eat Pokey. Sadness.
Also it continues your commands from the previous turn if you beat Pokey before everyone went.
I'm ok with this.
Now let's use some of our fun new toys.
I grasped that it was pink. very pink.
That's all it did.
Lolwut?
EXTERMINATE!
Remember, TESLA has a bazooka. It's pretty effective.
Holy shit that's awesome!
We outnumber you.
You're going to burn?
Nah, I think I've got it under control.
I think he just made fun of the fact MOOSE's dad is never home. Hold still Pokey we need to EXTERMINATE YOU.
Actually Pokey, you might be onto something.
But MOOSE has a different role to play. After all we heard about telepathy in the beginning of our journey. It was someone's special gift.
It's how we made our first friend on our journey.
SATURN POWER!
So let's keep everyone alive.
...I need an adult...
Gotta love those guys.
No no no.
Everything is fine!
I bet the cat prayed too :3
Naming him MOOSE will never be a decision I regret.
And TESLA lost the lottery again.
Speaking of TESLA
SCIENCE!
HEALS!
Please don't hurt MOOSE
Ha!
Aww
Hey now!
HEY!
STOP
GLORIA!
HURTING ME WON'T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.
No no no
Awww.

Well huh.
I NEED MORE ADULTS.
Craaaaap.
Even DALE helped!
And then Giygas got really really weird.
THIS IS NOT HOW YOU MAKE FRIENDS
WOO!
Now let's get rid of the red text.
Well poop.
Let's hang in there.
One more time?
THE MOOSE ARMY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
Aww poor guy
DAMMIT. I JUST FIXED THAT.
???
Oh.
Oh yeah.
Oh fuck yeah!
YEAH!
Did we do it?
HOLD STILL FUCK FACE
WUSSY
Us. Always us.
And then Giygas distorts.
Until he is just the static we saw at the very beginning.
One
Two
Three
Four

One
Two
Three
Four.
EREN teleports away
Presents teleport in.
TESLA shakes our hands
You'll always be more than that TESLA
Father-Son Bonding!
It's now just INKY and MOOSE and we're in control.
Bernkastel is pleased.
Mr Saturn!
I give it to INKY
Warm fuzzies!
Ooops.
TESLA doesn't seem to mind.
Daww
MOAR SATURN
And more! And now for the best Saturn.
ZOOOOM
We can go anywhere! I won't share all the things as that would make this post even longer and you guys should really experience this for yourself.
The Tendas are doing well
Hints of the Tendas reuniting
But...but I'm a hero!
You didn't get to see Magicant.
Yeah science!
As much as I think Tony needs to turn it down a notch, I tried to make TESLA call. You can't.
Life lessons from the bubble monkeys
Tessie is putting on shows!
We can't see her. Infinite sadness.
Mr. Monotoli learned his lesson.
Before we take INKY home.
Suuure
Yep sure do.
One more stop.
MOM WE ARE NINE
What?
One more stop.
Hey you aren't Pokey's dad.
That is a filthy lie and I have the bank account to prove it.
Look who's as pleasant as ever.
We can be friends with Picky.
Here we are.
And then it was MOOSE.
Hey let's follow her!
INKY's mom is cool.
NINE. WE ARE NINE. HOLY CRAP.
Kitty!
Aww she didn't remember.
Well, home sweet home.
Yeah. Yeah I did.
Now for credits!
Pokey runs off.
INKY has her teddy and Apple Kid has his mouse.
The coolest.
Pokey running off again.
TESSIE!
Boing!

There goes Pokey.
TESLA and his dad react to an explosion!
EREN and his masters.
A confused Mr Saturn!
And the MOOSE family.
And then actual credits.
The credits show the exact photos you found. It's really cool and quite touching.
You know, I don't regret that name either.
Anyway, I'd like to thank Mr. Itoi, Mr. Iwata, Mr. Miyamoto and everyone who worked on this game. This game is a recent find for me and it quickly worked it's way into my list of top video games. If you own a Wii U I cannot recommend this enough. I already made a second file with Mythbuster names. Adam uses Psi Ence!
And I'd like to thank you all too. I can't wait for the next one. Until-
Wait...knocking!
This seems familiar.
Did...did we loop?
No. No we're still super strong.
Picky?
FUUUUCK YOOOUUU POOOOKEEEY.
For now.