Monday, December 30, 2013

Earthbound Part 3: One Giant Step for MOOSE

 Before we begin, I fix this. Because I have a feeling this will be important when it comes to that rolling health meter.
 SUPRISE
 And then I accidentally walked into this.
 First stop of the day.
 Welcome, assface.
 And fuck you too.
 Meaning you must be the mayor.
 Mayor: punched them out big time, kicked their butts, bit their heads off, spit in their eyes, and made them wet their pants. 
 All I did was hit their leader and a robot with a baseball bat a bunch. I'm really confused where you got everything else.
 Great then no problems, give me key.
 Oh for fuck's sake.
 Hey, guys. Here we go.
 WELL YOU KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO MOOSE
 We then threw the key on the roof because it was funny.
 Well that's weird it doesn't do anything to our numbers.
 MY BODY IS READY.
 It's at this point I realize I'm about to step foot in a dungeon.
 One quick save and an open inventory slot later.
 MOOSE is wrong. Very wrong.
 Well this is roomy and well lit.
 Ow my face. That's their smash damage. And they Smash. A lot.
 Alright mouse, it's you and me.
 WOO
Offense went up by 1! Defense went up by 1! Vitality went up by 1! IQ went up by 1! Luck went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 13! Maximum PP went up by 5!
Well I guess that's decent for now.
 PISS.
 It's a this point I realize I have an issue.
 Give me all your meaty goodness. And a side order of fries.
 I'm feeling more secure now.
 This makes us walk faster. I'm not certain I'll ever use this.
 Floor dots?
 Ew, floor snot.
Get away from me you boogers!
 I will take it!
Oh baby! Offense went up by 7! Speed went up by 1! Guts went up by 2! Luck went up by 2! Maximum HP went up by 2! Maximum PP went up by 1!
 ALL THE MURDER.
 I know what I must do!
 Oh, that's expensive. But it targets all so that's good.  We'll hold off.
 Well this room was a tease.
 BULLSHIT.
 See that antoid back there? He's not a problem except when he keeps calling his friends to the party. He's a bit of a douche.
 Trolololo.
 I eat the cookie out of spite to free up the inventory.
 ...
...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWWR
 Well that was underwhelming.
 These little black dots are assholes on multiple levels. And they can climb ropes.
 HA!
Vitality went up by 1! IQ went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 13! Maximum PP went up by 4!

 That looks like a boss room.
 I'm so ready.
 Oh dammit. Come here butterfly!
 Dum de dum.
 oh LOL.
 OM NOM SPITE COOKIE
 Hooray a good item!
 Totally the boss room.
 Oh goddammit!
 BULLSHIT I JUST GOT IN HERE.
 No, no. They are not worth it.
 Baseball bats are just as effective.
 OM. NOM. SPITE. COOKIE.
 Ooooh, that's what the boss looks like.
 Gimme.
 Oh look a giant ant. And his two friends.
 Now.
 Especially since his friends are healers.
 INSTAKILL THE SMALL ONES!
 It didn't work on MOOSE. Hahahaha!
 Again!
 Well that's not an issue.
 EXTERMINATE!
 Happy dance! Defense went up by 1! Guts went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 1! Maximum PP went up by 2! 

 Status fixing yay!
 Oh, well this place is neat.
 Bright light!
 PUPPY!? WHERE!?
 FUCK THE SOUND WHERES THE PUPPY.
 Well this is a nice view. Surprised that photograph guy isn't here. Anyway we should be teleporting back any minute now. ... Any minute now...
 Fuck fuck fuck who makes a person backtrack through a dungeon fuck this fucking fuck
 ALL CREATURES FEAR ME.
 HEY MOUSE HOW'S THAT SMASHING TREATING YOU NOW.
 Huh, did not expect that. Offense went up by 2! Speed went up by 1! Guts went up by 1! IQ went up by 1! Luck went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 2! Maximum PP went up by 3!
 Sure could. Ignored it anyway.
 Sigh.
 MOOSE decides to steel his nerves because the Onett Police are well...special.
 WHAT!?
 Oh. Hi me!
Yay money!
Next time: Police and Twoson.