Monday, March 11, 2013

Rain-slick Precipice of Darkness 3 Part 4: More Security Than A Swiss Bank

Well this is a very nice bank. Makes me happy we chose to steal shit from them.
 Gabe is a lean mean punching machine.
 Plans are for other people!
 Damn I guess this is where I want to store my money.
 Blue prints? Hacking machines? Lockpicks? Wait it's Gabe. Food?
 You're a funny girl.
Really? I'm the only one insulting Gabe here when we all know this time it's accurate?
 Finally!
 Dammit!
 What.
 Gabe,  we're trying to kill him.
 Man, have I been doing it wrong for years then.
 Why do you have a "no-no box"?
 Spontaneous combustion is never ever worth it.
Indeed.
Hello there sir. Please excuse me while I go rob- I mean check my security deposit box.
No? OK your funeral.
Wait what's that?
The fuck do you need golems for!
 Hey buddy that's a nice box you got there.
 Holy hell.
4 minutes later. I really hate golems.
And my reward is item I never use!
 I'm gonna hug it!
 But...but hugs?
OPPOSITE OF HUGS OPPPOSITE OF HUGS. That Fleshreaper there? He wants to eat your face.
 I don't use these very often but later in the game they become very useful, especially if you don't want to grind for levels.
Having ANY sort of power up during golem battles is nice. Golems are generally resistant to all but one thing, and the one thing they aren't resistant to they take normal damage from. Basically this is the part where the game things you're a horrible person and deserve to be punished. Battles in this part especially for golems can take a long time.
Like so. Fleshreapers never show on the overworld so every battle is a surprise!
You might think this battle is easier. Gold Golem laughs as he stomps on your head.
Hooray vaults! I vote we loot them all!
 Pretty much how I handle every RPG ever.
 I think we've established rich people in this series are the dumb.
 Yeah this system is bullshit.
 Let's open this door!
 But first shopping!
 Ok now opening!
 This vault is bullshit. I can't loot a wall!
 So what's behind door #2?
 WHERE AM I?
 SO RETRO. URGE TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM GOLBEZ RISING.
 You don't understand how ok with this I am.
 King Steve Dengler? Is this the kingdom of Dracogen? Is this where the new episodes of Nuka Break are hiding? Will Tim Schafer come out of nowhere and high-five me? I have so many questions!
 Your world may be doomed good sir.
 Don't worry Jim is totally cool.
 Yeah I'm all for Gabe killing evil things but if his ego gets too big that could be bad news.
 How often have you done this exactly?
 So they're...flirting?
That's...not a good sign.
 Oh what a wonderful overworld.
 There's some in the rich part of town.
 Fine, fine.
Classic look, exact same mechanics as before. Also looks like the sprites wanted to genderbend for me.
So awkward hug aside, classic! Classic and annoying! Yeah. Even more annoying: it's not truly random. The monsters are always in the same place and are the same. You just can't see them.
 We've been here 10 minutes...
 But I will happily take your presents.
Have fun with your rectangles.
 Eventually you can make it up to this here cave door.
 ... I LIKE HER PLAN KITTIES KITTIES EVERYWHERE
 That's how I talk by the end of the day.
So this cave has a couple neat goodies.
Item description aside, this is quite nice. Just...don't think about the spiders.
The other item...
Lies beyond the DEEEEEEEP CROOOOOOOW. The DEEEEEEEP CROOOOOW likes to inflict DEEEEEEP HURTING.
But a pretty good reward lies beyond.
Steve here guards the door. Steve and the DEEEEEEEP CROOOOOW are both jerks.
 Then he can learn not to speak.
 Hooray out doors let's get to Evil-
OH COME ON REALLY. WAS STEVE NOT ENOUGH OF A TEST?
 Finally Eviltown!
 WHY IS EVILTOWN AN ICE WORLD?
Oh thank Krong.
So you see that box? Tempting yes? Don't bother with any items in here. All items are guarded by a golem and they are items you can buy in the market. Money and experience are not an issue in this game and even then you may not want the items as two of them are just elemental boosts. So go the most direct route possible and just save yourself a little grief.
Everyone is horrible at one-liners and the laws of thermodynamics do not apply. Krong help us all.
 Well this is a nice throne room. I will make it mine. Also Jim can be a ninja in this room.
 Unless it's old and full of food poisoning.
 That's a pretty crappy middle name. Your parents did not like you.
 BECAUSE YOURE BREAKING A BRANCH OF PHYSICS
 Spoken like a Gabriel.
So these guys are really kind of a push over. Especially after Steve and the DEEEEEP CROOOOOW.
 Oh look at those beautiful numbers!
 Levels!
 More!
 Yes more!
 MOAR!
 AHAHAHAHAH
 POWER SO MUCH POWER
 Hatred probably.
Don't worry Gabe. You'll always be our Punching Specialist. Maybe you'll be special in the next vault...next time.

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