Earthbound Part 4: Twoson or Bust

Alright let's get this shopping done.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BEATING THE DUNGEON DIDNT ADD NEW STUFF.

Hmm, my inventory lacks a couple burgers.

I take $100 with me, just in case.

Hey, one of your friends is being an ass, can you call him off? No?

MOOSE.

But...but the police...and....ugh.

Fiiiine.

Jerk Cop: You're the little delinquent that came back from Giant Step! Now you listen here..."Don't Enter" means just that--DO NOT ENTER! You got that?

Including this just to prove yes that happened.
Ranting Cop: It's usually those tax evaders who...Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah We don't enjoy blocking off the roads, you know...blah blah blah blah blah blah It's usually the local whiners that make a big deal about emergencies and meteorites! Blah blah blah blah blah blah

Finally the WORST COP is done talking and we can talk to this fine man.

I kinda am and you're blocking the plot. And don't think I don't see that crack in my wall you bastard.

Very yes.

What.

I JUST BEAT UP A THE LOCAL GANG, THEIR ROBOT BUDDY, AND A GIANT ANT. I AM WORTHY.

Hoy, there small fry!

Ow, that stings you prick!

Woo!

And I'm stronger than you. Funny that.

Om nom.

Damn right I did.

Trust me that's not what's giving me a big head.

F-fat? I LOST 20 POUNDS IN 4 MONTHS YOU FUCKER.

That's they're regular attack. It's nothing special. Back to you're roguery scheduled baseball bat beating.

Fuck you!

HA I'd like to se you try.

I NEED AN ADULT.

Are you the strongest and the thoughts?

Oh, you're clearly the smartest.

I think you just said a bunch of bullshit.

OW MY ORGANS

This was my last burger. He then proceeded to attack once more, and then just lose his temper boosting his offense. He never used it.

Yes please thank you.

He actually has a radio! Neat!

Capt. Strong: Okay, listen, a kid named MOOSE will be there in a few minutes...He's a kid in a red cap...I want you to open the road to Twoson for him...I know that...I know that!...Don't ask me why, just do it! That's an order!...Strong out...

Oh. Thank you.

The super angry cop was the DMV the whole time. I can't say I'm surprised.

Sometimes it's the simple things.

YOU FUCKER THAT WAS MY WALL.

All the beefy goodness.

MOOSE decides that heading to Twoson sober may not be a good idea given the amount of horse shit in Onett he just went through.

SO MONEY.

The road blocks is all gone now.

And apparently everyone else too.

Thanks guys!

What's here?

Interesting.

Inventory is a little tight right now so I'll say no. Plus if worst comes to worst, I have the internet. I can find my way out.

I'll keep you in mind in the future!

BEEFY GOODNESS

Goddammit! The purple bar shows status effects. We've been mushroomized!

But first the numbers go up!
Oh baby! Offense went up by 3! Defense went up by 2! Guts went up by 1! Vitality went up by 2! Luck went up by 1! Sweet! Maximum HP went up by 27! 

Woo!

Anyway, mushroomized! It fucks up your controls. And around every 30 seconds or so it changes them again. So getting back to the hospital be a bit of a bitch.

So yes he pays us $50 to get rid of mushrooms. If you feel low on cash, I guess this would be a decent way to farm some money. I chose not to do that as money is no issue.

Shield alpha is used only for physicals.

Fuck.

So close. Sigh. $50 more for me.

DAMMIT.

HAAATE.

ONLY BECAUSE ITS CLOSER THAN MY HOUSE.

I didn't realize Pokey's family was in real estate.

FUCKER.

Pictured: a serene landscape Not Pictured: MOOSE who managed to not be mushroomized

And just like that we're in Twoson.

I remember you Mr. Resetti.

Yes, Mr. Resetti, I am familiar with the concept of grinding.

Sure!
Welcome Girl: Twoson has a modern, clean hotel. There is a hospital and the wonderful Chaos Theater. There is the Polestar preschool, and a nice bus station. If you're curious, you might want to check out Burglin Park. It's exciting. East of the town, you find the Peaceful Rest Valley. On the other side of the valley is Happy-Happy Village. There's also a pizza parlor.

Actually I'm pretty sure you covered everything. Thanks!

And punnage.

uugggh so expensive but we'll have to stay here at least once.

Also a quick call to dad reveals ALL THE MONEY.

Also this guy keeps saying different things the more you talk to him.

A moment of panic as I thought my game froze.

But it was just this guy.

MOOSE's big goofy smile

Sure?

It's at this point I realize that would take a spot in my inventory and we walk a good pace as is.

Yes indeedy.

Oh that's not a good sign.

That's strange.

That's gonna be a thing isn't it?

Sell stuff?

Sell cold remedy!

Yes!

Yeah!

Fuck you lady.

There's a burger shop and bakery on this floor.

Daww granny.

Yes there is, there's no mini game for me to kill time in!

All the plot bread crumbs.

I don't test this out. I might later.

That sounds like a piss-poor joke.

The lady sells this.

There. Equipment for new friend.

The Chaos Theater.

The hospital.

I am not thrilled by anything you said.

AAAAAAAAA

Oooh.

What? No.

Oh hey look one of those enemy people.

That's the bestest name ever!

HE PUNCHES AS HARD AS THE COPS! WHAT KIND OF HIPPIE ARE YOU?

Still not a problem.

The phone in the hotel is free. Use it to call Child Protective.

At this point I realize this place is expensive and grab half my cash.

That fiend!

I'll do my best!

I smell trouble!

...I am not going to pixel hunt.

I guess.

Can we have a concrete number? Because this could be really simple.

WHY IS NOTHING EASY.

I'll be back.

I'll also come back here in a bit.

Very good game. you're learning.

That's not how food works!

Riiiight.

What.

These guys haven't changed since Onett and give me 4 exp. I'm confused about why this wasn't an auto win.

STOP REMINDING ME I'LL GET THERE.

You're kinda creepy.

And you're resemblance to MOOSE is weird.

They're doing a piss poor job.

Sir, I am 9. What 9 year old works for TV?

That be us.

Holy crap adults are stupid.

He then does a little worry dance.

That's a terrible business decision.

I'm going to guess that's exactly what would happen.

And now I stall going that way.

Holy crap game did you just get dark for no reason.

I don't know. I might be sad. Or hungry. Or bored.

Sounds good to me.

Bye money.

Well these girls like him so let's see if it does anything for them.

IT DOES NOTHING. THE BEST THING IT DOES IS GET ITSELF OUT OF MY INVENTORY.

Nice to meet you.

I can spare a burger.

Can't be worse than the Orange Jerkoff.

He's so excited. How can I say no.

Wonder what this is for?

The Receiver Phone receives calls but does not make them.

Cats are beyond MOOSE's telepathy.

Hi future mechanic?

AHA!

I feel bad for buying anything here.

This is a false flag. You cannot give the guy that sign and the sign then take up precious inventory.

What?

Here's a list of condiments. As implied, the right one boosts healing power and the wrong one takes away healing power. I'll show this off in a bit.

This guy is also very weird

Okey-dokey then.

Well first I sell this because out of space.

The flashing box tells me I need to go make a withdrawal.

Remember this number for later.

And I beat up this hippie on the way.

My wallet cries...

Oooh sweet numbers.

Yes please.

Cream goes with Bananas! And again I make you wait!

Because BOSS FIGHT.

MOTHER FUCKER

DIE

Woo!
IQ went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 1! Maximum PP went up by 5!

YOU OWE ME BURGER

I WILL BEAT YOU UP AGAIN

"went off"

Chubby boy? POKEY

OH FUCK THAT

K THANKS BYE

Condiments are auto used whenever you eat something so make sure you eat the right thing to match whatever condiment is first in your inventory.

That cream turned my banana into a burger. Condiments are magic.

Cheaper than a hotel!

I buy these burgers and one ketchup packet.

Oh we're recovering quickly.
Next time: Peaceful Rest Valley.