Gee that title screen isn't ominous at all
And thus we learn that wasn't Birch talking at all, but rather us.
I'll say, what the fuck is a gen 1 starter doing here?
No shit.
Because otherwise, we'd all be in a world of shit.
I am a classy lady.
Well it certainly isn't any of those.
Yes indeedy.
...
HOW THE FUCK DO I RESPOND TO THAT.
Fuck.
I don't think writing for help on a sign is actually useful. Especially considering the geography of Littleroot.
Let's examine our loot.
Hmm, interesting.
Nooo
Again noooo
Congratulations! You're the least ominous/deadly one
I FEEL INSPIRED
I might be.
I think we're going to be good friends
Fun with graphical glitches.
I'm coming.
I SAID I WAS COMING I WAS JUST COMING RIGHT HERE
I ain't your bruuuhhh, bruuuhhh
WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT POKEMON? AND WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND ONE IN THIS REGION
Well, let's hope you kept that poison type.
Fuck yeah!
I just stole the zombie's lunch money. Yep.
We said in the intro we lived in Littleroot. This dumbs is the pokemon professor. Weep for the fate of humanity.
The fact you didn't know how to pokemon battle for starters.
Yes. Very yes.
We have AMNESIA. It didn't raise my special defense either.
Thanks for the tutorial, by the way.
Hell even that was vague at best.
Woo!
Let me see your guns and/or pokemon and I'll be the judge of that.
K
Even in the zompocalypse, we still have an economy.
Oh fuck, ninja zombies.
No kidding.
Uhhh.
I'm sorry, why can't I handle this problem?
WHOA WE HAVE MONEY. I'll take one of everything.
Hmm….
Fine, fine, I'll go do the plot.
Poke Center is that way and it's free.
Ah here we go.
YEAH SCIENCE!
Mini-me is unenthused.
Bullshit.
Mini-me also knows bullshit.
This better be awesome.
Oooh, our brother is the protagonist.
I would be a bit cynical here.
DAMMIT MINI-ME NOT THAT CYNICAL.
I don't know. I hear good things about the Patty Cake Champion too.
That's the kind of logic Skippy would use. I wonder what Skippy's been up to since he became Box Man anyway?
Has anyone else tried to go to Petalburg?
Yeah, that's legit important. Sounds good.
Well, theres some obvious differences, but first...
YEEEESSS
And a bit of healing from some encounters.
You're a terrible person.
Fine, I guess you'll be important later.
OK WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH 5 SECONDS AGO
A). No I'm not B). I'm the most competent person within a 10 mile radius C). Fuck you.
Fuck.
Good good you don't know any dark moves.
There we go.
You're a bigger dick that the guy from Gen 2. And he was a massive prick for most of the game.
Oh.
Yes yes, I'm here.
Well that was easy. And by easy I mean, fuck bubble.
YOU WILL REVEAL THE LOCATION OF ALL CHARMANDERS NOW
Once more, with feeling.
Better position
WOO
I hope we cleaned them or something first.
Agreed.
Hey, let's actually catch some more pokemon before meeting more zombies.
The entire world of canines opens up to me, and I pick the one from Yoshi's Island.
SENZU BEAN!
Goddammit Poochy I forgot your defense was absolute shit.
A true badass.
There we go!
Because I can.
FULL TEAM GET.
Rocket is credit to team!
WHAT DID YOU BASTARDS DO
Wow, you're right game.
BERRIES!
I have no idea what this does.
Ooooh.
Well, onward.
Fucking zombie charmander, so OP
Right. When do you learn an actual attack?
Hooray!
Let's get some more items.
Do I spy free stuff?
I do!
Oh, it's a not-pokemon-center.
You mingled with nature too much.
SQUIRTLE NO!
Hi, lady. Can I help?
Oh. PS, you have the option to loot this corpse. I didn't as a gut reaction, but this is where the leftovers are if you want them. I'll be sure to loot more bodies in the future now that I've trained the brain.
Seems to be the only reliable source of cash.
I CAN TAKE EM
Oooh that's a lot more than I though. You go guy.
Aaaand, they're gone.
Ew.
Well, what's in Wally's house besides my fucked up palette?
INFINITE POTIONS.
Well I guess next time, we'll head for those woods.
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