Earthbound Part 14: On the Moooooonside

 Well we've got nothing to do here. Let's head back to Fourside.

 Buh?

 How is that not treasure?

 INVENTORY LIMIT!

 Sigh. Let's play Inventory Management.

 Back to Fourside.

 Thank you.

 Wooooo!

 BULLSHIT.

 There we go.

 And he starts to sing again until Not-Mario comes and gets him.

 ...So...hip? (And again I found another person's video for this performance. Sorry I couldn't find one for the one from last time. Continue below for some screenshots.)

 Hi lady!

 How the doolally did you get the car on the stage?

 Woo equipment upgrades at last!

 But first selling.

 ...sigh...

 One bit of inventory management later.

 OOOOOH WE GOT STUFF.

 Unfortunately stuff is expensive.

 I had sold their coins first so that's why the lower defense numbers look weird.

 Ladies and gentleman I present Hopes Crushed: A Store.

 MOOSE still managed to get an upgrade though.

 I also realize at this point that INKY has both PP restoring items. MOOSE could use one considering I am a fan of the DALEKS and the heals.

 Technically yes.

 There's an office in here.

 NOW I AM THE CEO OF THE STORE BWAHAHA.

 It's lights out for me.

 I'M SORRY WHAT.

 I have two questions: 1. Who the fuck are you? and 2. WHY DIDN'T INKY BURN/FREEZE/ZAP YOUR ASS?

 These enemies popped out of item boxes. These enemies are dicks.

 OW THE PAIN.

 I do not like this place.

 I'm coming, I'm coming.

 NO NO NO

 NO NO NO

 Hang on buddy!

 YOU CHEATING FUCKNUGGET

 Alright. That worked out.

 FUCK YOU.

Alright...we're ok.

 I. AM. RIGHT. HERE.

 Let's get some heals on.

 Hey! That's my chair!

 The flying fuck, game?

 HAVE A PRESENT.

 He did not like my present.

 Oh, baby! Offense went up by 3! Speed went up by 2! Oh, baby! Guts went up by 4! IQ went up by 2! Luck went up by 2! Maximum HP went up by 1! That rocks! Maximum PP went up by 9!

 I don't think Giygas cares.

 WHY DO ALL THESE OLD MEN HAVE TO BE CREEPY

 And the store is normal now.

 NO FUCK OFF

 Fucking taxis.

 Alright. Once more to the hospital. With feeling.

 FUCK OFF.

 Sigh.

 No offense lady, but nooooo.

 That's good!

 MOOSE or me? Because MOOSE is 9 and my position on kids is to point and laugh.

 Offense went up by 1! Vitality went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 14! Maximum PP went up by 1!

 Heals plox.

 I sadly didn't grab a screenshot but MOOSE got homesick midway through the department store. It only came up a couple times.

 Ma, I'm just in Fourside. You can take the bus there.

 I don't envy her.

 I need some money, please to give me money.

 I'M IN FOURSIDE. YOU FOUND ME IN A MAZE FULL OF MONSTERS AND I'M IN A PLACE YOU CAN GET TO BY BUS.

Fine. I'll just buy shit from this stupid place. I'm bitter.

 Well this is where we should find him. Hopefully Montoli will be drunk caffeinated enough that he won't be a problem.

 Well you are definitely impaired.

 HOLY SHIT

 MOVE. HE'S HURT. CALL AMBULANCE.

 Here go on a fucking picnic I'm gonna be a good person.

 Hold on buddy, I got picnics and heals for days.

 Yeah, it's me.

 I do. I remember you hurt yourself.

 I TOLD HIM TO BURN IT.

 TAKE MY PICNIC!

 I am.

 No. Please take my picnic. I can use my psychic powers to make it better. Please.

 He just got up and walked away. I am so confused and concerned.

 What's in here~

 ...Drugs. Drugs was in there.

 I don't even know.

 Moonside. Moonside.

 PROBLEM SOLVING.

 All the drugs are swimming in my blood stream.

 OK then.

 Duke Nukem? Help me Duke Nukem!

 Duke Nukem teleported me?

 PISS OFF.

 Duke teleportation is best teleportation.

 Hello?

 DON'T FUCK WITH ME GAME

 I'm gonna let Duke Nukem kick your ass.

 ...I NEED AN ADULT...

 SEVERAL ADULTS.

 DUKE NUKEM HELP ME

 I guess that counts.

 It's a one-use damage item that causes solidification.

 I'm not a pokemon.

 Why do I have a feeling that will be more accurate than I want it to be.

 And yes there are invisible walls stopping us from approaching Mani Mani.

 RUN FASTER MOOSE.

 Where am I? Hey a little fun: can you see the silhouette of the invisible man?

A little bit.

 TAKE IT BACK.

 And then we were in the hotel.

 Super helpful.

 Let's just drop a save and then get this over with.

 Gold tooth? Huh.

 Anything else? No?

 Aha.

 I ditch the handbag strap for it.

 I accidentally circle.

 Offense went up by 1! Defense went up by 1! Vitality went up by 1! IQ went up by 1! Luck went up by 1! Maximum HP went up by 9!

 Come on Duke help me.

 What about you Duke?

 Yay!

 Can you bring me back some too? I could really use it.

 Hey, buddy.

 I don't believe you.

 And then he teleported.

 Hey.

 I'm more than a little...

 sick of your shit.

 Would you kindly

 die.

 Something like that.

 AA THE RINGING. I NEVER LEFT MOONSIDE WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS FATE

 oh.

 Sounds delicious!

 That's the grossest shit I've ever heard.

 Oh Krong I'll never get it.

 Monkey!

 Fried monkey!

 I wish I could teleport.

 Oh dear.

 Oh for fuck's sake

 And why the fuck not?

 You know I had the exact same experience with the USPS once. I wasn't amused then either.

 OH KRONG ITS FUCKING PLOT CRITICAL.

 You know what? Let's drink until we pass out.

Well that's some good news.
Next time: Desert Dessert